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Driving Help

(warning offensive language)

I am peeved by people who give me unnecessary instructions while I drive.
By unnecessary, I mean things like telling me a light is green when I’m at a stoplight. I’m sitting in the driver’s seat, for crying out loud. Even if I’m looking to the side at something, or checking my phone while I’m stopped, I’m still well aware that I am going someplace and I am the driver.
I honestly don’t need your help telling me that the light has turned green. I’m aware of time passing, I know that we’re at a light, and I know that it will turn green. You telling me that it has turned green might get us to our destination 1/16th of a second faster, but I’m telling you: it’s not worth it, because I will arrive pissed off.
So please, just don’t do that.
Also, I don’t need your directions in a place I’ve navigated through for the past 15 years. I live here, too, remember?  I’ve driven these same streets you have, and I’ve been to almost every place here that there is to go. Yes, I can remember how to get there. No, I don’t need your help.
So, yeah, no help in the driving department please. I’m a good driver and I will get us where we need to go. If I need you, I will certainly let you know.

Published incomedy

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